Lisa, you're teeth are big and green / Lisa, you smell like gasoline

What a morning...

It began with some good advice from my mother:
Just brush aside all those little annoyances and stresses and have a wonderful day!

And then about fifteen different annoyances as I tried to get to work...
For example, leaving my phone in my room (after having spoken to my mom) and realizing this about a 1/3 of the way to work and having to turn around to get it.
Then getting to work and realizing that I left my phone in my car while I was getting coffee across the street.
Then spilling a bit of coffee on my pants (because you know... I'm a big klutz).

I'm waiting to fall on my face this morning or something, because it just feels like one of those days...

But, other than that, it's been a lot of happy birthday text messages, so who can complain?

And adhering to my mom's advice, I'm just letting all the little hiccups this morning just fall to the wayside.

Here's to a better year. It's been a rough start, but you know what? 23 years ago, I wasn't even breathing on my own until this point, so I'm going to disqualify all of the bad things that have happened thus far and start anew.
Happier thoughts.
Happier outcomes.
Happier everything.

Don't stop believin' / Hold on to the feelin'

Last night went a little bit like this:

Calm.
PANIC!
More PANIC!
Drink.
Drink.
Drink.
Drink.
PANIC!
Drink.
Drink.
DANNNNNNCE!
Drink and DANNNNNNNCE!
Pass out.

Thanks friends for making it a night that I can't remember.
I basically have the greatest friends in the world. One flew out to see me from DC. Three drove in from San Diego. Others stood in line FOREVER to get into the club. One helped me secure the club for cheap, cheap, cheap. Others held my hand when I started to panic. Others made sure I got my money back at the end of the night. Others showed up, even though it isn't their scene. Others shifted work schedules to make it on time.

Yup. Best friends a girl could have. And they're MINE. ALL MINE.

I wish I could remember more of the night, but I guess it was funner for everyone that I didn't.

Yay birthdays.

But since I came here / felt the joy and the fear / find myself making every possible mistake

I've done it.
I've faced my fear (well, one of many).

I will be waking up extra early tomorrow to print out my application, resume, and work sample and mail it off to one job announcement (before heading into a Critical Race Studies symposium) and I've just emailed off another cover letter and resume to another job announcement.

If you don't know, this process has been absolutely frightening. Something about having to actually advocate for myself and overcome my weird lack-of-self-confidence... it's tough. I'm constantly on the phone with friends (or pestering my roommate) to keep me on track and not let myself fall into that rabbit hole (you know, where you keep falling... and falling... only to come out a little dusty, chasing after a white rabbit that represents your hopes and future... dramatic enough for you?).


But I did it!
and you know what? YES I CAN (get a job)!

//

And for the wonky ones:
a map

Haven't felt like this, my dear / Since I can't remember when / Its been a long, long time

Another week, another placement.

This time, it's the with Community Redevelopment Agency of Los Angeles and can I say I think I'm in love?

Being the planning nerd (as well as a chronic lover of Los Angeles) I am, I was heartbroken when I didn't get the CRA placement during the government rotation. However, our love prevailed and I was united with the CRA for my individual project and can I say it's magical.

Reasons Why I Love the CRA:
1. The Central Office is in the Banco Popular Building. In the heart of the Old Bank District in downtown LA, it's a beautiful old building. And it's next to amazing cafes and restaurants where I actually go out and eat during my lunch hour! (For those of you who don't know, I rarely take lunch hours because I hate eating by myself.)
2. Materials produced by the CRA are aesthetically well-designed. I mean, color combinations, layouts, everything. Even the budget looks incredible. THE BUDGET.
3. The bathroom actually smells good. I don't know exactly what it smells like, but something about it... you walk in and you're actually pleasantly surprised!
4. I'm surrounded by incredibly competent people, who are dedicated to their work, and the work environment is extremely diverse.
5. The CEO is amazing. I love her. I totally have a crush on her. I want to BE her. She's this very fierce, very intelligent, woman who can command a room with a seriousness and a lightness all at the same time. When she came on board as the CEO, the first thing she did was go and meet all the staff to understand the work that they are doing and build their buy-in to the decision making process. She seems very community-oriented and I truly believe in the direction she is taking the CRA and redevelopment in general for the city of Los Angeles.

Yeah, you can say that I'm a fan.

I'm actually looking forward to the 100 hour board meeting tomorrow morning. Can you believe it?
I told her this afternoon that I actually look forward to getting up and doing the drive to come to work. Haha. Yeah, I know, I'm a total nerd, but you know what? I accept it. For once, I'm in a place where my GIS-loving-appreciation-for-data-in-pretty-form is an asset, rather than a reason to tease me (okay, that still happens, but I know it's out of love).

Being in downtown again just revitalized my love for this city and reminded me all the great things that can happen here.
Oh LA, I knew we couldn't be apart for too long...

//

And to share: a little local story... My friend. He may not look it, but he's actually pretty cool :)

This this sinking boat and point it home / We've still got time

If anyone says that the war isn't going on back home, they are wrong and I have the pictures to prove it.

If you drive out near Barstow and you look really carefully, you'll find the sign to Fort Irwin, an army post. At Fort Irwin, if you make it past the guard posts without being killed (or turned around) and drive about another 40 minutes into the desert you might, if you're lucky, hit several fake Iraqi or Afghani towns. The National Training Center is one of the last training centers for army troops before they are deployed overseas for battle. They simulate real battle conditions for soldiers, technicians, and every other warm body that is shipped off. They allow civilians to be on base to act as embedded media.

I, instead of rolling on the ground trying to shrapnel while infantry troops knocked down the doors in a small Iraqi village, spent my time roaming around a very calm base with some members of the Aviation crew trying to get soldiers to talk to me.

It took a lot to get through this weekend. I'm uncomfortable with the military and that's putting it mildly. The fact that they recruit mostly from poor communities and communities of color to go and impose policy through brute force upon other nations is only part of it. They build and perpetuate a certain kind of personality and mindset amongst people-- do what you are told, without question, regardless of what the consequences of your actions might be. Given these things in mind, walking onto a room buzzing with soldiers at midnight and then being escorted into a tent with only male soldiers, this weekend wasn't looking too good.

But, as is the Coro way, you suck it up and start asking questions.
Soldiers are trained not to answer. The lower ranking soldiers are so good at this that they barely talk to you if not pushed. The more experienced soldiers and officers know how to gauge civilians, so they'll talk you around in circles before you realize that you might not be getting the real story. This is all true, IF you aren't talking to a Coro Fellow (haha. I'm joking. Okay, not really.)

What I learned this weekend:
- A shocking number of people join the military for the benefits
- They're KIDS. Many join immediately after high school and the most experienced are still under 40 years old...
- They marry early (and meet their spouses in strange and quick ways)
- The guys are like stupid teenage boys that like to punk each other (and drink way too much)


It was hard not to walk away from the base feeling a sadness that these young women and men are going to be deployed in only a few months, facing death and causing it.
This weekend was a lesson in distinguishing the person from the action. I sat across the table from the mechanics who will fix and maintain the Apache helicopters that will drop missiles in a country that is already in shambles because of our actions from a decade and a half before. And those mechanics? They're just... kids.

It was a surreal experience that frequently crossed between dream world and real world. As easy as it was to see that the simulation was not real, it was hard not to forget that it is happening and has been happening half-way across the world.

Now I've just gotten rambly and I apologize.
I guess I'm still just thinking...

Twinkle, twinkle little star...

Is it pathetic that I'm genuinely disappointed that I might miss the lunar eclipse on Wednesday night? It's supposed to be a reddish hue this time around, but unfortunately for us West Coasters, it'll occur at moonrise (between the hours of 7:00pm - 7:52pm on Wednesday), so it probably won't be visible to most people. I will also be in a meeting, so whether or not it was a clear night, I wouldn't be able to see it.

Oh well. There goes NerdFest 2008...

NerdFest 2007 was last summer, the night of another lunar eclipse. My friends and I stayed until 3am or so to drive out to the middle of Malibu, where there aren't any streetlights. We parked on the side of the road (after having to change the tire because we got a flat), laid out a few blankets on the car, and drank a few beers (microbrew!) while we waited for the eclipse to happen. It was absolutely gorgeous and we all got to delight in our nerdiness together.

I'm not too sad though. NerdFest 2008 wouldn't be the same with the usual suspects. Who would I talk about umbra's with?

She's a smooth operator...

I have spent the last two days brokering a relationship between two warring and uncommunicative parties. It required me to lay out a common language for the two parties to actually communicate and share information with one another; involving the expertise of others on how to ensure a successful union; and at times, craftily manipulating both without their awareness.

Pretty good for someone who is getting over the plague.


What could she possibly be talking about, you may be asking.
Let me translate for you who do not know about the fine art of international negotiation...

Trying to make a PC and a Mac talk to one another is close to impossible.
First of all, Microsoft is nearly incompatible with Apple. Outlook doesn't like Entourage, even though both are Microsoft programs. Outlook doesn't like Apple Mail. Or Address Book. Or iCal. Microsoft Outlook, actually, hates almost everything and everyone. That means having to use another program to take what Outlook has (which is everything, because once you start using Outlook it controls your email, your calendar, your contacts, your tasks list, everything). But, once you have that program talking to Outlook it doesn't mean that program will happily talk to Microsoft Entourage (a mail client primarily for Macs). No, no, no... that would be too easy! That would be too civil. Instead, first program must now speak to program number two in order to get one piece of the original information. The information must now be split between three other programs and they really aren't talking to each other. No, it's like having two feuding 12-year olds-- one plugs up her ears as soon as the other begins speaking, leaving about half the statements to float into nothingness.

Given all of this (and given the fact that I managed to conquer some/most of it), I consider this a pretty successful weekend.

TAKE THAT plague.

//

And to give another update on the hamster, Belly is running furiously in her wheel, stopping every so often to check her increased strength by stretching all the way towards the top, to see if she's gotten any closer to the top of the cage where the opening is.
Clever little bastard.